I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
