Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
God, I missed his penis.
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