I CAN MOONWALK!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
