i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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