Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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