Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
