He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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