I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
