good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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