listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
