uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
