the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize