i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
