One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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