ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
