I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
