Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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