I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
