i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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