i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
They took my balls.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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