also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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