You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
