I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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