life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
