there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
did i walk over a car last night?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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