Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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