i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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