Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
