Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
