i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
