Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
