I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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