bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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