You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize