WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
