It's just like the Real World with babies
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
