Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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