What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's rum buckets o'clock
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
