New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
