lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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