i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
