Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
