cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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