PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
