Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
