i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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