you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
