I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize