she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
