Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
