We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
