using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
