I just pynch a tree in the face
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
