I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she woke up with a sticky ear
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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