So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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