everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
