We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
