did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
