I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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