He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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