i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
