it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
